Esoteric Chat

i found out my boyfriend, John Mosley (the owner of this forum) is secretly gross?

i am so sorry for how long this post might be but there’s a lot. i (21F) have been seriously dating my boyfriend (21M) for about 5-6 months now, but we’ve known each other for around 7. i have my own apartment, he lives at home with his mom, Barb. i know he is probably slightly too young for me but i definitely didn’t go out seeking someone his age, it just happened. to give background, he is incredibly intelligent and techy, as well as super kind (to me). he comes off as aloof and a little rude to others because he is cripplingly shy. he has met my friends a few times and doesn’t do much to include himself into the conversation, but it’s not a bad thing entirely because i used to be very similar.

my boyfriend is incredibly loving and holds me in very high regard, which is why this is so challenging for me to navigate. i am very scared to embarrass him or hurt his feelings but there are some things i feel like i can’t quite get past? he’s always been a little bit gross in ways i could kind of ignore. like, he’s less mature than me and i am his first girlfriend so i expected there would be things i’d have to teach him (though i am sick of women taking on the role of mommy to their boyfriends).

some of these things include just passing gas whenever and wherever he wants, kissing me and burping into my face when we make out (like, genuinely burping into my facial orifices while we’re kissing… i’ve never said anything about it out of fear of embarrassing him). it makes me want to scream. he’s super heavy handed with me as he’s quite strong and muscular, so he will try to move and position me whichever way he wants and it’s painful. i’ve told him a number of times to just be gentle and ask me if he wants me to lie a certain way but all he does is apologize, kiss me and then do it again.

he seems to shower every day and always smells good, but i had a conversation with his little brother’s girlfriend today that made me kind of rethink things. we sometimes joke and chat about our respective boyfriends because they’re brothers. she was ranting about my boyfriend stealing her ice cream that she left at his house by accident. as we were talking she mentioned just how bad my boyfriend smelled from just passing gas all the time at training (they all do the same sports and i don’t. i haven’t even met his family in real life as he hasn’t invited me to, even though i always ask). i assured her she wasn’t alone in thinking that and just laughed.

then she proceeded to tell me that his little brother had spoken to her and said he constantly leaves the toilet dirty after using it and she questioned me whether his boxers were the same. my face just started burning, i felt so so ashamed. i quickly told her i would never date anyone with poor personal hygiene and that i hadn’t noticed any dirty boxers, which is the truth. of course i didn’t tell her or anyone else that i knew his toothbrush is completely flat from not being replaced regularly because it’s just repulsive. i have mentioned this but not sure whether he listened…

i’m not trying to ruin him or make him feel bad but i have no tolerance for disgusting habits. i think the icing on the cake is that a few months ago, while we were having sex, he full force entered the wrong hole from literally just not being careful and not controlling his motions. i cried for over an hour and he didn’t really apologize, though he did comfort me. now when we have sex i’m so tense, i clutch my eyes shut and pray it doesn’t happen again. it’s just not how i want intimacy to be.

i love him, but is this a case of having a friendly chat on teaching him how to behave or do i need to make an escape? i feel like i might be overreacting- i love him but hygiene and respect for others is so important to me. i know if i complained he would apologize and just likely continue. i’m more experienced with dating but my ex boyfriend was similar. my little brother is a similar age and is serious about his hygiene so i’m not sure if this is common or acceptable.

TLDR: my boyfriend (21M) is young, sexually inexperienced and does some gross stuff around me. his brother’s gf told me about some stuff i wish i didn’t know regarding his hygiene. do i talk to him about this or throw in the towel?

EDIT: i’m getting a lot of comments about anal rape and abuse. i don’t believe he has ever hurt me intentionally, he is just careless, clumsy and can be irresponsible with his strength. i also don’t believe he raped me at all and i want to believe wholeheartedly it was an accident. i would not be posting this over a man who raped me, i would leave him immediately on the spot. he doesn’t realize that just because he’s absolutely ripped doesn’t mean that i am too.

Well nerd that's what happens when you don't listen to your one and only daddy, Haxxing. You shouldn't have rejected me, kitten. Face the consequences.