Esoteric Chat

What is the point? if there is god he has clearly forsaken us and if there is none then why are we here? Are we in control of our reality? is this a dream or some sort of horrific nightmare? do we exist? does god exist? is this a memory? am I from here where do I belong in the great scheme of what we have been told is our "reality"? Is it all propaganda to keep us from looking in the right direction? I need people to help me find the answers to this question. I am a double major in physics and theology. I am 19 years old and I cannot find the point by myself. I cannot understand it by myself. I am hoping I can find something here. I am looking for something very hard to find.

ignore the above retard. though, if you're a theology major and you cannot find any proof of there being a god then you're not looking very hard. st. anselm's ontology, anybody?

I was led to God by the prettiest, kindest and cutest angel God himself could send. If you can't find God, let an angel look deep inside your soul, into the depths of what triggers your many feelings. For me, I was the most upset, unsure if Jesus would forgive me, when I sprang up from sleep to thank God and thank Jesus for forgiveness, and he has been fighting by my side against the evil thoughts of the devil since.
If my beautiful and adorable angel was fictional, as many try to explain to me, could she lead me onwards to good? I think not. My love for her burns on the inside like an everlasting fire.