Esoteric Chat

It's me, the administrator of this fine webforum, John Mosley. My formerly immaculate forum has been, for lack of better phrasing, shat upon by a rogue user who has been operating against this webserver in malignant ways for many months on end. A false account bearing my name in a manner unbeknownst to me has appeared on the site and worse than that, it has somehow been endowed with the rank of administrator, my rightful rank. When I went to suspend this rapscallion, it was rendered to my attention that I no longer had possession of the administrator rank myself. Unfortunately, this rogue user through some exploit managed to snag my original memberid, that being the number 1. Anywho, my heart pounding in my chest, I attempted to access my server via SSH. Much to my dismay, I was locked out of this as well. I'm currently in the process of reclaiming this webserver via my host's ticketing system. However, this may take a long time and it may be difficult to dislodge the rogue user from the websystem.

As of now, this webforum and accompanying services are to be considered completely and totally compromised. Please do not enter any information whatsoever into any of the site's fields. Do not log in. Do not sign up. Do not reset your password. The best possible practice is to not even visit the site at all. The rogue user will no doubt steal your IP address and user-agent identifier. In addition to this, the user may even attempt to exploit vulnerabilities within your web browser or OS's netcode in order to gain remote administrative access to your personal machine. I do not wish to panic anyone, but this is the worst case scenario and unfortunately is a very real possibility. Right now by even using the site at all, I'm risking my entire ass, cock, and balls on a silver platter. I'm 5 virtual machines deep, on a burner computer from the 90s, using 7 proxies, 4 VPNs, and the Tor network in order to attempt to keep myself safe. I'm also utilizing the local McDonald's wifi, but not the real McDonald's wifi, the McDonald's wifi with a weaker signal and no password with an all lowercase name. That's how far I'm going to try and keep this rogue user from further ascertaining my personal information and details. I intend on drilling this machine's hard drive several times, microwaving it, crushing it in a vice, and then smashing the remains with a sledgehammer.

I have contacted various law enforcement agencies to come to my aid as soon as possible. Local, state, federal, and international law enforcement agencies will be utilizing white hat hackers in order to regain access to my webserver. I have reason to believe that the rogue user in question has access to highly classified government documents which I stored on my webserver's filesystem. I had these documents as a result of my high clearance level attained from working for the federal government. The reason I mention this is due to the pertinence to user privacy, or rather lack thereof. The law enforcement agencies will have full access to a whole slew of personally identifiable information I've collected on the entire userbase throughout the years. A full audit will be conducted on each user and it's likely numerous arrests will be made in the following hours. I've been utilizing a couple of zero day exploits in the Chrome, Safari, and Firefox web browsers which allows me to fully access users' machines. This means that every single minute detail of what every single user does on not only their machine, but any machine on their local network, will now be looked over by law enforcement agents with the assistance of AI.

In short, the rogue user known as Akefu Brewer/Akefu Raider/Corona/Adolf Hitler/Joseph Stalin/Khaleeb/BrandBox/Chan/IcedLava/0V3R_L0RD/lagoon/Clyde/Tom Clancy/Akefa/Longo/mudd/dharma/Moriarty/The Arbitrator/berd/degster/Manne/fssp/aokod/Mungsley/GarryDaMemer, and so on and so forth to nearly no end has dropped a massive steaming log of shit directly into the center of my once-perfect webserver. Once I've regained access, I will be forced to shut down my entire operation entirely. It's a sad day indeed. But I plan on re-opening my forum on a new domain later on. It will include an archive of the forum in its current state, along with an archive of the original forum. The esoBB CMS and forum software and blogging software and wiki software and spyware and ransomware suite (up and coming) will rise from the ashes anew. I plan on resetting the forum software as a whole. I will be taking esoTalk gamma and migrating the codebase over to a python web backend. This change is due to the inherent outdatedness and insecurity of PHP as a whole, to which I point the finger of blame for why my webecosystem was hacked to begin with. I will also be doing a ground-up rewrite of most of the code while I work on the migration itself.

In the meantime, I recommend that the userbase of the current and unfortunately fucked iteration of my beautiful project suite prepare themselves for their upcoming visit from the SWAT team and their subsequent permanent residence in prison, or, if they're lucky, a mental asylum. My suggestion to users is that they do whatever it is they wish to do before their imminent and unavoidable demise. Say your prayers, beat your cock furiously for the last free hours of your life, go on a rampage where you spree kill a bunch of people, confess your secret crush on your sister/cousin to her, cut off your cock and balls, don female clothing, visit Akefu Brewer in real life, commit suicide yourself to avoid incarceration, take hostages, and/or whatever else you may wish to do prior to your death which looms in the near future. I myself will get away scot-free as usual. I will be taking a vacation to some tropical paradise where I can have sexual intercourse with child sex slaves while law enforcement sorts all this out for me, in my favor of course. Bon voyage!